Letting Go of Expectations

From hectic life in the USA to island life as a stay-at-home-wife, this blog follows the musings of an anxious Type-A as she learns to slow down and tune in to the important things in life

 

Tag: gratitude

Giving Thanks

With the holiday season rapidly approaching, I keep wondering what my first holiday season away from my family will be like. I feel incredibly fortunate that I made it to my mid-twenties before spending the holidays away from my family and their familiar traditions.

This afternoon will be the first time that I will not be with my parents, brother, aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandma as they sit down to Thanksgiving dinner together. They will gather at my grandma’s house, whose counters will probably be covered in snacks and appetizers despite the approaching feast.

My uncle will most likely follow my late grandpa’s tradition of brining and grilling the turkey. After everyone stuffs their faces with mashed potatoes, turkey, and Grandma’s sticky buns, someone will help Grandma carry her Christmas tree up from the basement and set it up to the left of the fireplace in her living room.

By the end of the day, everyone will have forgotten which wine glass is theirs, and Grandma will make sure that at least one whole pie goes to every household, along with the rest of the Thanksgiving leftovers.

While I am already missing that time with my family, I still have much to be grateful for.

I am grateful for my loving, dedicated, supportive husband. I am grateful for the friends we have made in Grenada, some of whom we are lucky enough to be spending Thanksgiving with. I am grateful for my dog and his growing appreciation of cuddling.

I am grateful to have such a great relationship with my family and for all the memories and traditions that we share. I am grateful for my friends back home and that it is easy to stay in touch with them thanks to technology. I am grateful for my able body, the place we currently call home, the chance to live on abroad, free Wi-Fi, and the existence of ice cream.

That’s all well and good. While I really truly am grateful for all those things – and too many more to count – two things stand out to me about that list.

The first is that I’m surprised more food items didn’t make it onto the short list of things that I am grateful for. I mean, I plan my day around my meals. I am also truly sad for Husband, who does not seem to have the capacity to experience the pure joy that I do from eating delicious food. The short list may have to be revised to include Chipotle – of course I know the guacamole is extra – and pizza, at the very least.

All kidding aside, the other thing that stands out to me about the list is that most of the things that I am grateful for are the people in my life and the time that we are able to spend together.

The holidays can get so busy with gift buying and social engagements that it is easy to forget about what the person that you are buying the gift for means to you, or that you should be enjoying the time with the company that you are in.

As we gather with friends and family today and through the rest of the holidays, take a moment to really notice and appreciate the people you are with. Step back and notice the little conversations everyone is having, how the turkey smells, what the kids are doing. Take a snapshot of that moment in your mind so that you can remember it later.

If things get hectic during the coming weeks, return to that moment or think about the people in your life who you are grateful for and connect that to what you are doing. Connect it to why you are cooking, shopping, or traveling.

After all, it’s not just the decorations or the weather or the food or the gifts that make the holiday season special. It is the time that we take during the holiday season to spend time with loved ones and show them how much we care about them and to feel how much they care about us, that makes it such a great time of year.

I think that if we can keep sight of that, it will make the holidays even more enjoyable.

3 Habits to Boost Happiness

One of the goals that I have during my extended stay on a Caribbean island is to learn how to live a happier, more meaningful, stress-free life. Though life on an island has its perks and lessons, sunny skies and sandy beaches are not a cure-all. They certainly help, but daily household tasks, financial worries, anxiety, and a history of living a busy, stressful life don’t just disappear.

With that in mind, I decided to look up some techniques that I can incorporate into my daily routine to increase happiness. Since my other goal is to share this journey with you, here are the results of my search!


1. Be More Mindful

The Oxford Dictionary defines mindfulness as “A mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations…”. While mindfulness can be a type of meditation where you focus on the sensations around you and bring your mind back to those sensations whenever it starts to wander, I like to think about it more as a way to go through your day.

Instead of getting caught up in the thoughts in your head, try to take a little more notice of the world around you. Maybe being mindful is something you try to do throughout your day. Pull yourself out of your thoughts occasionally and really observe where you are and what is happening around you. Observe how you feel or what you are thinking, and accept those thoughts without trying to change them.

Or, maybe, you set aside a little time for being more mindful. My favorite way to do this is to go on a walk and really take in the color of the sky and the sights of the plants or people or terrain around you. Listen to the noises in the distance and feel how warm or cold the air is. Coexist there with your thoughts.

However you decide to incorporate mindfulness into your day, it can help you to feel happier, reduce stress, and live life more meaningfully outside of your own head.


2. Meditate

We’ve all heard of the many benefits of meditation, such as reduced stress and better focus. People who regularly practice meditation have also reported physical improvements, such as lower blood pressure and a stronger immune system. Meditation has become so well-known in recent years for improving both physical and mental health that a number of highly successful companies have even incorporated it into the work days of their employees.

A lot of research is being done into the why’s and how’s of meditation and its effects. One scientific study showed that changes in the brains of study participants could be detected after practicing meditation for just 8 weeks. Another study has shown that meditation can decrease rumination, which is a common feature of both anxiety and depression.

Meditation can seem daunting, and it can be really hard to clear your thoughts and focus just on your breath or your surroundings. There are tons of resources out there to help get you started, though! Meditating can be as easy as getting an app on your phone or finding a guided meditation video.

Remember, meditating is a skill that will take practice, but the time you put into it will be well worth the rewards in both physical health and happiness.


3. Start a Gratitude Journal

Expressing gratitude is something we do every day, at least in small amounts. We thank the person who holds a door open for us. The person who rings up our purchase thanks us for shopping and tells us to have a nice day. With a little extra effort, you can let gratitude improve your life in a number of ways.

In one study, it was found that people who wrote about things that they were grateful for exhibited more positivity about their lives than people who wrote about either neutral or negative life events. Other studies have contributed to the long list of benefits that gratitude can provide, ranging from better mental and physical wellbeing to stronger relationships.

One easy way to experience more gratitude in your life is to start a gratitude journal. The idea is simple. Just write down the things you are grateful for, and make the commitment to write in your journal consistently, whether that is every day, once a week, or anywhere in between. You can also check out these tips, and find gratitude journal apps on android or apple!

If taking just a few minutes a day to write down five things that you are grateful for can increase your overall happiness in life, why not start today?


The biggest thing to remember is that happiness is a journey, not a destination. And most of the time, journeys are hard work. It takes commitment to develop a new habit and planning to fit it into your busy schedule. If that new habit can help you reduce stress and improve your quality of life, though, I think you’ll be glad you did it!

Which one (or two, or three) of these techniques do you want to try? Leave your answer in the comments below!